Gotham Blind Date
by Harlequin Gaga
Summary: Harley Quinn has finally left the Joker. For good! Now her and Ivy are off on a wild adventure including a shopping spree, blind dates, and who knows what else! A fic I started when I was 11 that is somehow still getting reviews. I'm keeping this up here because the public seems to like it.
1. Unexpected Visitor

It was an unusually sunny afternoon in Gotham City. It was the first day in a long time with no threats from any of the city's many criminals. Perhaps the citizen having the most peaceful afternoon was Pamela Isley, better known as Poison Ivy, who was busy watering her plants. As she was finishing up on the tulips section of her garden, there was knock at the door.

_Who in the world could that be?_ she thought as she angrily sat down her watering can.

When she looked through the peephole, she saw her best friend Harleen Quinzel, aka Harley Quinn Harl usually came by unexpectedly, The Joker always fired her, but something was different today. Instead of the torn costume and tear filled eyes she usually saw, Ivy saw a perfectly happy smiling face. She was totally puzzled as she let Harley in.

"Hiya, Red!" the crazy blond squealed as she burst into Ivy's home. "I have a surprise for ya!" she said, grabbing Ivy's hand and pulling her towards the office.

"Harl, what's this all about?" Ivy asked as she was turned loose in front of her computer. "Why are you here and why the heck are you showing me my computer?"

Harley just giggled and pulled up the Internet.

"Harley! I asked you a question!" Ivy yelled, pulling up a chair next to her.

"I-" Harley stopped a little while to laugh, "-broke up with Mistah J!"

Ivy was stunned. Was it true? Was her one hope for her dear best friend finally reality?

"Harley, I..." Ivy didn't know what to say. She instead smiled an approving smile and gave Harley a hug. "I'm proud of you, Harl."

Harley giggled again and typed in an unfamiliar website address. "There's more!" she squealed as she logged in.

Ivy was majorly confused. _What the hell? _she thought.

As soon as the thought had been thought, Harley pulled up a profile.

"Look, Red," she squealed, "This is _local_ Gotham Internet crap that helps you find a boyfriend! And this guy is perfect for me! And I found one for you, too!"

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Harley, how _much_ do you rely on men? The problem with this world is that we are _too_ relied on romance! And I don't need a man!"

Harley's face drooped. "I was just tryin tah help," she murmured.

Ivy softened. "Fine," she said reluctantly, rubbing Harley's shoulder, "But no crime. I don't like my personal life to interfere with work."

Harley had a look of disappointment for just a second, but quickly shrugged. Ivy wasn't even sure if she saw it.

"What? What's wrong with that?" she asked, clearly confused.

Harley smiled her oblivious smile. "Oh, nuttin. I just had a harlequin dress picked out, but yah know how I love to go shoppin!"

Ivy smiled. Same old Harley.

"Fine, but.....I have to....wear a hat." Ivy shuddered at the word.

Harley understood and jumped to her feet, wrapping Ivy in a hug. "So sorry, Red. Sorry. I forgot yah can't go in public often..."

Ivy took in a huge breath. "No, it's fine Harley. Hats are.....cool."

Harley giggled. She had never heard Ivy say "cool" before.

"Whoopee, Red! You must really love me!" She danced around the room and hugged Ivy yet again. "You're my best friend!"

Ivy smiled understandingly. "Yeah, Harley. Let's go pick out a hat."

(**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: Ivy has to wear a hat because in _my _version, after she was transformed she got streaks of green in her hair. Wearing her hair up with a hat helps people not to notice it too much. But Ivy hates hats...)

Harley grabbed Ivy's wrist and skipped to the one room in this house she had never been to. She skidded to a halt in front of the door.

"You sure it's okey dokey for me tah go in here?" she asked quietly.

Ivy chuckled a little. "Yes, Harley. Today is a very happy day!"

Harley grinned. "Squee!"

After a quick pause, she flung the door open. She gasped at the surprises in there.

There was a circular, forest green bed in the center of the back wall. The left wall was mostly a large window, and next to it on the other wall was a large mahogany book case. There was no TV, but a very large closet. And right next to it was yet another section of Ivy's garden. The floor was very light, smooth wood. And the walls were a very pretty tan.

"Purtiful," Harley gasped, dropping Ivy's hand.

She ran over to the bed and flipped onto it. "Squee! I ain't never been in your room before, Red!" Harley flipped onto her stomach. "Now how many hats do ya got?"

Ivy smiled and opened the closet, taking out a large stack of purple boxes. "A lot," she breathed out, struggling with the weight.

Harley giggled. "Yay! Fashion show!"

They took turns trying on the hats. And surprisingly, Ivy had everything from a beret to a sumbraro. In the end, Harley helped her pick a lime green bowler hat, that looked very good with a ponytail. And so she wouldn't feel weird, Harley put on a hot pink newsboy cap.

After taking a break to make some ice cream, Ivy decided to get a move on.

"So, Harl...." she started, unsure of where to go, "How much luggage did you bring?"

Harley dropped her spoon. "Luggage?" she asked, "I don't have nuttin but my costume. I had to sell the rest to pay for Pud- _Joker's_ hospital bills."

Ivy thrust the bowls aside. "Oh, I'm so sorry."

Harley shook her head. "No! It's okay, I left some clothes here last time, and we wear the same size, don't we?"

Ivy sighed and nodded. "Yeah, Harl. So....you wanna borrow some of my clothes?"

Harley thought it over. "Nah, I think I have my favorite outfit here."

Ivy smiled and got up. "Do you still have your key?" she asked, hoping she wouldn't have to dig up the spare.

Harley nodded. "Right here, Red!" she shouted, pulling it out of her pocket.

_I didn't know her costume has pockets_. Ivy thought. "Anyway..." she continued, "Let's find your room."

Harley nodded and, for once_ followed _Ivy into the secret hallway.

They passed many locked doors and safes. Harley looked in wonder at the newly filled ones. "Wow, so many plants," she muttered. Ivy smiled proudly.

They finally came to the last door in the hallway. It was made of pink wood and was covered with drawings of flowers and clowns. Childishly scribbled by Harley herself. In the very center of the door, right below the peephole hung the sign they had made together. It was shaped like a tulip, and was painted lime green. In dotted red words, Harley had painted "Jester" and right below it in purple cursive Ivy had painted "Weedy. BFFs 2004" The two girls both smiled at it, and Ivy touched it, as if reaching for the lost days.

After about 20 seconds, Harley finally came back to reality, and unlocked the door. She pushed it open and laughed.

It was exactly how she left it.

The pink bunkbeds in the corner, scribbled all over with crayon. Many, many posters of boybands Ivy had never heard of on the wall. A purple toybox in the center of the room. And the wardrobe. The red wardrobe. It was barely filled, but it was enough for Harley.

Harley stared at it all, surprised at the memories that came pouring through. And Ivy just smiled. "Oh!" she said, remembering something important.

She turned into the surprisingly spotless bathroom that was adjoined to Harley's room and dug through the cabinet. She returned with Harley's favorite red nightgown, which she never got out of the wash the last time she was there.

Harley dropped the teddy bear she was playing with and ran to it. "Nightie!" she squeeled, "I thought you was lost forever!" She hugged it to her chest, memories forgotten.

Ivy smiled, knowing it was the absence of this nightwear that probably ruined Harley and Joker's relationship.

"Well, I'll leave you to get dressed," she said, running her fingers accross the walls, "I'll be in the living room when you're ready to go."

Harley nodded as Ivy slowly shut the door.


	2. Shopping Spree

"How do I look, Red?" Harley asked, striking a pose.

"Great, just great, Harl," Ivy said, fighting back the laughter in her voice.

It wasn't that Harley looked bad. It was just the obviousness of her outfit. Red short shorts, a white tee shirt, red knee boots, and pigtails. It was all Harley needed. And Ivy liked it that way.

"So, Fashion Queen, do I look presentable?" Ivy asked, motioning at her outfit. It was simple, yet elegant. Much like Ivy herself. Just a green halter and black capris. Oh, and green flipflops. Ivy always had her green flipflops.

"Oo, you like positively great!" Harley squealed, slapping her newsboy cap onto her head, "Just like me!" she added, almost as an afterthought.

Ivy grinned and turned toward the mirror on the wall behind her. She frowned as she took a red scrunchie off her wrist.

Harley seemed to sense Ivy's mood and rushed to her side. "Red, you'll look great. You always do," she assured, hugging Ivy tightly.

And that was it.

At that moment, knowing that Harley would never be obsessed with Joker again, Ivy forgot it all. She didn't care how she looked. She didn't care what other people think. Except for Harley. Harley was all that matters. Ivy would have to be brave for her. Looking down at the bright red grin sprawled across Harley's face, she couldn't help but feel happy inside.

"Oh, Harl," she whispered, sliding her tangly red hair into a ponytail, "What would I do without you?"

Harley thought a second. "You'd have a lot less shopping sprees, that's for sure!" she squealed.

"Haha, I guess so," Ivy replied, setting her cap on top of her head, "C'mon, Blondie. We've got dates to get ready for."

Harley was still chatting about her brave getaway from Joker by the time Ivy pulled up at the Gotham Mall. She was apparently proud of herself. That was a good sign. But she couldn't help but say "Mistah J" or "Puddin" instead of Joker sometimes. That, of course, was not good.

"...So while Mistah J, no, _Joker_, was going on and on about his plan, I just got sick of it! And I said, 'Enough. Why am I here?' and left! Isn't that so great, Red?" Harley finished up quickly, noting the large tan building they had pulled up to.

"Peachy, Harl," Ivy said, eager to have something else to talk about, "So what are we looking for? Skirts? Dresses? Casual?"

Harley shrugged. "The guys seemed pretty lenient. So you choose!"

The harlequin seemed to get more and more excited as she continued talking. This, apparently, was the first real date either of them had gone on since they were both doctors. They were overwhelmed. By far.

"I was hoping we could have a swimming date!" Harley added as Ivy's thoughts wandered, "Me and Mist- _Joker_ never went swimming. I haven't worn a bikini since last summer when we went on vacation. Remember? And when I came back I couldn't talk to you for three months?" Harley was just babbling now.

"Harley, dear," Ivy put her hand on Harley's wrist, "Let's not dwell on the past right now. 'Kay? Besides, I want something totally fancy. Long dresses, tuxes, fancy dinners, the works. The date I always dreamed me and Jason would have, before.....well never mind! It has to be fancy." Ivy said crossly.

"Gee, Red. Whatever you say," Harley murmured. She had never seen this angry, regretful, worried side of Ivy before. Almost like she was hiding something. Harley shook away the thoughts and thought of something bright. "As long as I wear pink!"

Ivy smiled. _'Forget Jason,' _she told herself, _'That was like 5 years ago. Now you have Harley. And you're about to go on a date. Get over him' _

But Ivy couldn't help it. She wanted so badly to go back to the day she first got her job working under Dr. Woodrue. She wouldn't have taken his offer to go to Egypt. But she'd still be in love with him. She could never change that. No, not ever. She, Pamela Lillian Isley, would always love Dr. Jason Woodrue. But right now she had someone else to love. She had to love and be there for Harley. She had to keep Harley happy. And away from Joker.

"I'm sorry, Harley," she apologized as they made there way to the entrance, "I've been out of Arkham for a while now, and well, sometimes the doctors there do help. Just a little. Guess I'm just a little worried about the dates coming up."

Harley nodded as if she knew exactly what Ivy was talking about. "Well, durr, the doctors help! If they didn't, well I never woulda met you!" She grinned.

They were soon inside the big airy building. Hundreds of shoppers. And none of them could recognize Harley. Or even Ivy for that matter. Perfect.

"Race ya to Claire's!" Harley called, sprinting the familiar pink pre-teen's store.

Ivy smiled as she trudged behind Harley.

'_What did she mean by the whole doctor thing?' _she thought. It didn't make any sense. Of course, they met because Harley had been Ivy's doctor. But that had nothing to do with how effective the doctors are. Or did it? Ivy decided to just drop it. Harley babbled all the time. It didn't mean anything.

"Oo, Red! Oh, Red!" Harley called from the back of the store, "Should I get pink or black or red arm warmer thingies?" she asked holding up three sets of arm-warmers. They were all identically made of lace. Except, of course, one pair was pink, one pair was black, and one pair was red.

Ivy sighed. "Well, hun, pink and pink don't go together. So that's out. Now ask yourself, do I want to look like St. Valentine's Day or Prep Meets Punk?"

Harley shrugged. She apparently did not understand that Ivy didn't care.

"Could we get both? I mean, there's two of us. Right?"

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Fine, but you're paying. I don't want to waste a dime in the girly Hell-hole" She could sense the counter-girl's eyes shift towards them. Who cares? Ivy spoke her mind, deal with it. If she didn't like Claire's, well she didn't like Claire's.

Harley nodded. "Gotcha. I'll spend tha money that goes to Claire's Hell-hole." She grinned and rushed to the counter, her zebra print purse banging against her thighs.

Ivy watched as Harley fought back the urge to rob the poor girl, probably only about 17. "That's my harlequin," she muttered under her breath as Harley made her purchase with no complications.

Seconds later, Harley was bragging about it. "See? I did it! Not like last time where I messed up. Remember that, Red? Gosh, that was a good day. I got to kiss Bman! Gosh, that felt good! He never did call me.... Hmm...." Harley was babbling again.

Ivy nodded, "Yes, Harley. We've all kissed Batman before. I've also kissed Bruce Wayne would you like me to write a book on that? Or maybe you could call Selina and she'll give you the 411 on the fifty-four times she's kissed the Bat." Ivy was teasing, of course, but it did make Harley realize just how long she'd been playing dumb blond.

"So where to next, Red?" Harley asked, blowing a bubble and skipping a few steps in front of Ivy. Backwards, nonetheless.

Ivy shrugged. "I was thinking of checking out the Body Shop. You like that place, correct?"

Harley squealed with delight. "Like it? I love it! They have a whole section of pink clothes!" she skipped in the direction of the Body Shop, saying something about how her and Selina used to buy all of Ivy's presents there. Soon, she was out of hearing distance.

Ivy smiled. "Wait for me, Harl!" she called. But she secretly liked Harley's fast paced personality. Gave her some time to think. She pictured the week her and Harley had spent on the beach. That was nice. Harley didn't mention Joker once.

But no matter how hard she fought them back, images of Jason kept seeping into her mind. _'Why am I thinking of him? Why now?' _she questioned herself. It didn't make any sense. The one most important day of her life was haunted by her deranged past. What kind of sick games are karma playing? Ivy shook her head. "Just don't think about it," she ordered under her breath.

"Red? Yoo-hoo, Red?" Harley called, "You coming?"

Ivy jumped back into reality. "Sorry, just....thinking again," she muttered. It was a lame excuse, but it was true.

Harley pushed them into a bit more secluded corner of the crowded court. "You gonna be okay? Are you thinking about....that Wood man again?"

Harley was extremely concerned, Ivy could tell. But she couldn't break the truth on her. She couldn't ruin the fun little weekend they had planned in less than an hour.

"No, it's just......" Ivy was unsure of how to say this, "I'm just....so excited! I can barely think straight!" Wow, she could her the cheesiness in her own voice. But luckily, oblivious Harley bought it.

"Kay, just wonderin." Harley shrugged and grabbed Ivy's wrist, not letting her get caught behind.

Soon, they were in the large rainbow of a store. There were red sections and purple sections and gold sections and silver sections and, as Harley said, a large pink section.

"Whoopee!" Harley squealed, releasing her grip on Ivy's wrist, "Shopping again! Shopping again!" She danced over to some pink and black tank tops, talking once again about the hundreds of dollars she and Selina spent there. Only this time she was talking to herself.

_'Good riddens,' _Ivy teased in her thoughts. So like Harley to be distracted by pink of all things. She laughed a little, forgetting for a second that she was in a public place. She looked around nervously, noone seemed to notice. Awesome. The redhead that rarely went shopping took in her surroundings. She was clearly out of her comfort zone. All the clothes and sizing and fashion rules and blah blah blah. Why didn't she listen to Harley more? She sighed. She was so confused. She considered just following Harley around, she had clothes at home.

But then she saw.

Glorious emerald glory.

The green section.

Ivy made a noise much like Harley's happy squeak and emersed herself in the various jade fabrics.


	3. Surprises Everywhere

Ivy spent hours trying on the various green dresses. But in the end, she chose something simple. It has a dark green halter-dress with a black ruffly bottom. Ivy loved it.

After deciding she would **NOT** steal it, she payed for it stiffly. She had no idea how this worked! But somehow, in the end it was all okay. She had lots of money saved in her bank account, since she'd been stealing everything for five years. So writing a check worked perfectly.

The girl behind the counter pushed her dark brown hair out of her eyes. "Holy cow, you're Pamela Isley!" She looked up grinning, "_Poi-_son_ I-_vy. My hero!" She squealed, shaking Ivy's wrist, "So you're blond friend must be Harley, right? Or Selina. No it's Harley. Wow!"

Ivy looked at the girl with a disgruntled face. She nodded and tried to pull her arm out of the girl's grip.

The girl's dark brown eyes widened. "Oh don't worry, I won't tell nobody! It's just that....wow! Oh, bettter go check on Harley. She's um....see for yourself." She quickly let go of Ivy's arm and turned back to the cash register.

Ivy grabbed her dress and turned around. She looked at the pink section and saw nothing but pink tunics, tanks, and dresses."_Shit_," she mumbled, turning to the red and black section. Still no Harley. Ivy began to get frantic. What if Harley had left? What if she had gone back to Joker? What if Joker had come to get her? She took a deep breath. _No_ she ordered herself to think _Harley is still here_. _With_ you. _Do_ not _worry_.

She calmed herself and turned to the purple section. Nope. She turned to the next section, silver. And sure enough, standing in front of a reflective silver halter top, stood her blond bestie. A pile of abandoned pink dresses, tops, and skirts lay by Harley's feet and her eyes stared blankly.

Ivy sighed and brought her face to her palm. "Harley! What in the world?" She ran up to the shorter girl and grabbed her shoulders. Harley stared blankly still and a little drool fell out of her mouth. "For God's sake, Harley!" Ivy screamed, "How blond could you get?"

The girl from the counter ran up to help. "What happened?" she asked, waving her hand in front of Harley's face.

Ivy rolled her eyes. "She saw her reflection in one of the silver tops and became entranced."

The girl laughed a little. "That is so Harley."

Ivy gave her an '_are you some kind of stalker?' _look. She didn't _know_ Harley! The girl took Ivy's hint.

"I'm Ellen." She stuck her hand out towards Ivy's and smiled.

Ivy's face stayed freaked out, but she nodded and shook Ellen's hand anyway. "And how do you know so much about me and my friends, dare I ask?" she inquired as she tried to break her hand loose.

Ellen looked down, "It's, uh, Ellen Leland," she said in a quiet voice.

Ivy looked disgusted, "So you're one of the doctors' kid, and you go all stalker on the inmates?" she asked as she continued waving her hand in front of Harley's face.

Ellen shook her head. "No! I used to want to be a doctor, and I interned for a little while. Yeah. Back when Harley was your doctor, I helped was her assistant!"

Ivy nodded. "I thought you looked familiar. So you and Harl are old friends, you've seen my files, and I'm guessing you've done some Selina-research as well. That still doesn't give you the right to act like you, me, and Harley are bestest pals!"

Ellen stood up, "Well. You're still _my_ hero. And if you don't wanna be my friend, _screw you_. _**I'LL KILL THE BAT MYSELF**_!"

Ivy's emerald eyes grew wide and her mouth drooped to the bottom of her face as she watched Ellen storm back to the counter. And she wasn't the only one. Every person in the store had looked up at Ellen's outburst.

Some mothers ushered little kids out, and freaked-out teens scooted away without looking back.

Ellen smiled sweetly at the remaining customers, and then turned to the computer.

Ivy looked back down at Harley who then started blinking. In a matter of seconds, her eyes flew open and she burst into laughter.

"Wassup, Red?" the bouncy blond asked, sitting up. "Where'd my clothes go?" She looked around, then started laughing when her eyes fell on the counter. "Hey, Ellen!" She got up and waved, "How long you been working here?"

Ellen smiled, "About a month. What brings you here?"

Harley shrugged, "Me an' Red got _dates." _

Ellen rose an eyebrow, "Oh really. Well good luck getting Miss Ants-In-Her-Pants over there to get romantic." She smiled a wicked smile and turned back to work.

Harley turned back to Ivy, "Joan's got a nice daughter, don't she?"

Ivy nodded, still a little confused.

Harley grinned and pulled Ivy off the ground, "Well c'mon! I _believe _I asked where my clothes are."

Ivy laughed a little, still processing everything, "They're still overy by the silver tank top. But for God's sake, _**DO NOT LOOK INTO THOSE TOPS AGAIN**_."

Harley held an expression similar to the one Ivy had made at Ellen. "Yes ma'am." She rushed towards the silver section without looking back.

Ivy shook her head and laughed, "Oh that Harley," she murmured, "Oh that Harley." She smiled and looked off into space, acting like she was in a bad friendship movie.

"Oh Harley what?" Harley asked as she came back, nearly scaring the hat off of Ivy's head.

An incredibly red head turned around with a murderer's look, which wasn't that weird considering it was on the face of a murderer.

Harley just laughed. "Ya wanna help me decide what to buy?"

Ivy nodded. "Sure. I guess."

Harley squealed and dragged Ivy back to the changing rooms.


	4. Lots and Lots of Pink

"Yo, Ellen!" Harley waved her hand at Dr. Leland's daughter as she planted her feet in front of the dressing rooms.

Ellen smiled and nodded. "I"ll be right there." She grabbed a key and made here way toward them.

"Heya, old pal," Harley squealed as she patted Ellen's back, "I gotta try some junk on. Ya willin' to help out?"

Ellen laughed. "Sure, Harl," she unlocked one of the rooms, "Go crazy. And uh, good luck with _that _one." She jerked her chin towards Ivy.

Harley looked confused as Ellen walked back to the counter. "She seems to have some sort of grudge 'gainst you, don't she?"

Ivy shook her head. "I don't know. So what are you gonna try on?" she asked, eager to steer the conversation away from the demented girl at the register.

Harley shoved most of the pile toward Ivy. "That crap, plus what I'm gonna go put on." She held up a baby pink tube top covered in sparkles and a long and frilly bubble-gum-colored skirt.

Ivy nodded. "Interesting," she murmured as she went through Harley's pile of pink.

Harley nodded eagerly and retreated into the dressing room.

And just as quickly, she emerged, striking strange poses and making even stranger faces.

Ivy stifled a laugh. "Very nice, Harley-girl," she stopped to giggle aside a little, "But you should probably wear a dress. I mean, look at what I got." She gestured toward the dark green garment next to her.

Harley nodded. "Hand me the sparkly one," she said, motioning toward a mushy pile of bright pink fabric.

Ivy looked at it and was almost blinded. "Here ya go," she muttered as she tossed it toward her friend.

Harley cradled the shiny dress in her arms as she retreated into the dressing room.

"That had to have been the sparkliest dress I have _ever_ seen," Ivy murmured to herself.

"Oooooh, Reeeed!" Ivy was jerked out of her thoughts as Harley pranced out wearing the garment in question.

And besides the fact the light was so bright you could barely look at her, the dress wasn't that bad. It hung off of Harley's shoulders gracefully and cinched together around the waist. Then it flowed down to right under her knees with a red lace that matched the red sparkles covering the whole thing.

It was outrageous, but it was very Harley.

"Oh, Harley-girl. I _love_ it," Ivy said. It wasn't exactly the truth, but it wasn't exactly a lie. She walked toward Harley and gave her a thorough look-over. "It's so you," she murmured more to herself than to the insanely giggling blond.

"Oh, _Red_," she crowed, awkwardly patting Ivy's head.

Ivy rolled her eyes and smiled. "So are you going with this one?" she asked as she gently pulled Harley's hand off her head.

Harley nodded hyperly. "I was hoping I could try the rest of the pile on, but I _sooooo_ like this one!" She clapped her hands together and jumped up and down.

Ivy put one hand on each of Harley's shoulders. "Please stay tethered on this planet, Harl."

This caused Harley to giggle even louder. "It doesn't make no sense, but sometimes you're funnier than _me_, Red!" She quickly ran back into the dressing room, not giving Ivy time to protest.

Ivy found a bench to sit on and leaned her head back against a wall. Her and Harley were such opposites, but they went together so well. It didn't make sense, but Ivy wasn't complaining. She would have gone stark-raven mad if she didn't have the bubbleheaded blond constantly by her side.

Well not _constantly_. That damn clown always abusing the poor girl. Ivy could have gone on and on about how much she hated Joker, but Harley was already back into her regular outfit and tugging on Ivy's wrist.

"C'mon, Pammie!" she was working hard on towing Ivy off the bench, "I gotta pay for this thing!"

Ivy started a little and shook her head. "Sorry....I was....thinking."

Harley made a face. "You've been pretty distant all day. Are you _sure_ there ain't nothing wrong, hon?"

Ivy stood up and put a hand on Harley's shoulder. "I'm fine. Really. Now you go buy that dress-- and hurry. We desperately need shoes." Ivy looked down at the flip-flops on her feet. Other than her trademark green boots, they were basically the only shoes she owned.

Harley touched the hand on her shoulder and smiled at her redhead friend. "Kay." She turned and skipped toward the counter.

Ivy watched as Harley paid for the dress, making conversation with Ellen all the while. Every now and then they'd each stop to laugh. It sort of made Ivy.....jealous. That crazy doctor stalker girl was friends with _her_ Harley-girl. Nah ah.

_Ivy_ was the one who had worked so hard to get Harley back on her feet each time Joker pushed her down. And what was Ellen to the harlequin in question? A doctor's assistant. No. _Ex_-doctor's assistant. But it seemed as though Harley was much more comfortable talking to the demented brunette. It put a dull pain right into Ivy's chest. Why couldn't _she_ relate to Harley more?

No matter how fun this shopping spree ended up being, how good for Harley this blind date was, or how wonderful for Ivy that her best friend was finally safe, it seemed it just wasn't Ivy's weekend. She'd had painful flashbacks of her past love, depressing thoughts of an abusive relationship, and jealous feelings toward her worst enemy(besides Joker)'s daughter all in one day. She desperately hoped they could find shoes fast, so she could be in the comfort of her own home, having the comfort of her own best friend close beside. Nothing interrupting her happiness, they way things should have been from the start.

Ivy was very close to running out of the store and straight to her car to hide, when she suddenly felt a warmth in her hand. Before she knew it, Harley was back by her side. And she sensed that something was way out of wack with the usually oh-so-confident eco-terrorist. By grabbing her hand, she was assuring Ivy that she _was_ done with Joker, and that she wouldn't leave as long as she was needed.

And that was just what Ivy had been yearning for all along.


	5. On the Road Again

Harley still had her hand intertwined with Ivy's as they left the Body Shop. The only difference was that now she was back to her blond babbling ways.

"...but I think that Miley _totally_ doesn't deserve to be famous. I mean _seriously_! Emily Os-"

Ivy cut her off. "Emily Osment's the one with talent. I know, I know. I've heard this speech before," she complained.

Harley rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I know. I'm repetitive. I've heard _that_ speech before." She stuck out her tongue at Ivy.

"Don't backsass me, missy!" Ivy yanked her hand out of Harley's and snapped her fingers. "Cos I know you just didn't."

Harley laughed and snapped her own fingers. "Oh yes I just did, sister. I'll do it again!"

Ivy put a hand over her mouth to help her stop laughing. "Ho, I will _cut_ you if you be dissin' me again."

"Ah nah, you don't got it, honey." Harley laughed some more and put her hand back in Ivy's.

The two villainesses always had a thing for making fun of "gangster" teenagers. Psh, those _kids_ didn't know the first thing about being in a gang!

"God, I love ya, Harl," Ivy said once her giggling had finally quieted down.

Harley beamed and squeezed Ivy's hand. "Love ya, too, Red. You're my bestest friend in the whole wide world."

It would be impossible to describe the euphoric state that put Ivy in with words. Knowing that Joker was finally out of the picture, and that within 24 hours Harley could be starting a new _healthy_ relationship. Well, besides her plants, Harley was Ivy's number one priority. With this whole new deal, Ivy felt like her job as best friend was a complete and total success.

Sometime in the middle of all of Ivy's happy thoughts, Harley had started humming some song Ivy heard on the radio a lot. By one of those boybands, no doubt. But Ivy didn't even notice until they walked into Shoe Show and a little Chinese girl around 13 started humming along with Harley. It was one of the funniest things Ivy had ever seen.

"That was a cute kid, if I ever have a daughter I hope she has black hair," Harley said as the humming preteen disappeared behind a rack of Converse.

Ivy shrugged. "I always wanted a blond. But now that I'm older, I really appreciate my red hair more. If I ever have kids, I really hope I pass this on to them." She stroked a strand of hair that had fallen into her face with her free fingers.

Harley nodded. "I love your hair," she started playing with Ivy's ponytail, "But blond has always been my favorite. Growing up, I always hated how plain and boring my brown hair was. I promised myself that as soon as my mom let me, I'd dye it blond. And I don't regret it at all, probably the best decision of my life." Harley grinned.

And Ivy was smiling right along with her. It was good that they were opening up to each other like this. The more they talked, the less likely Harley would consider going back to Joker.

Soon, the girls found themselves unconciously walking toward an out-of-the-way rack of shoes. Harley spinned it around and put a finger on a few pairs.

It was then that Ivy realized the one thing they _hadn't_ talked was _shoes_! Here they were in a _shoe_ store, and they didn't have any earthly idea of what to buy! _How unlike Harley to let such a thing slip her mind_, Ivy thought.

"Uh...Harl, what are we even going to buy?" she finally asked.

Harley looked up. "Hmm...I was thinking heels for me and flats for you. But I was waiting for you to say something about shoes. I really don't know what you prefer."

Ivy nodded. "Definitely flats. Why do you think I wear flip-flops constantly when I'm not in crime-mode? Do you know how_ frustrating _it is to rob banks, fight Bats, and steer yourself around plants in _high-heeled-boots?! _It's pure _torture_, my friend."

Harley laughed. "I have quite the opposite problem. _My_ harlequin shoes are so flat and thin it's like walking around in cheap houseshoes. I need to wear heels more often or I'll go insane."

Ivy rose an eyebrow. "I thought you were already insane."

"Oh you're one to talk, Miss I-Like-Plants-More-Than-People," Harley teased.

Ivy grinned. "I thought I _told_ you not to diss me, fool!"

At that, Harley laughed even harder. "Okay, we need to get serious," she managed between fits of hysteric giggling.

"Yeah I guess so," Ivy said in a disappointed tone, "But joking is so _fun_! No wonder you chose to be a clown. Oh woe to us plant people!" Ivy laughed.

Harley rolled her eyes and grabbed a shoebox. She tossed it to Ivy. "I think those are the ones with all the straps. See what color they are," she said absentmindedly while she inspected each pair of heels closely.

Ivy took the lid off the box. They were a very rich shade of dark green, just a shade to make the color different from the dress. And jet black buttons were sewn at the ends of some of the straps. They were really very pretty. "They're green, dark green," Ivy said as she cradled the right shoe.

Harley looked up a little and nodded. "Those are your size. If you like them, then get them. They match good." And then her head was back down. Ivy put the right shoe back in the box and gently put the lid back. After she carefully tucked the box underneath her arm she stood and waited for Harley to finish her shoe examination. It was probably 10...maybe 20 minutes before the blond head finally darted back up with a triumphant "Eureka!"

Ivy jumped a little, surprised by the sudden break of silence.

Harley just stood their looking proud and showing off the pair of heels she had found. They were pretty typical tomato-red heels, with little pink hearts on the top strap. They looked like they were made for Harley.

"I like it, Harley-girl. You have such a gift for coordinating. I'm jealous." Ivy smiled.

"Thanks, Red," Harley squealed, "I still can't belive me an' you are actually goin' on _dates_! Oh I'm so excited!"

Ivy grabbed Harley's hand, just now realizing that she had stopped holding it. "I know. It's crazy," Ivy murmured as they walked toward the checkout counter.

"Well at least we're done shopping. We got clothes, check. And shoes, check. I can work wonders with that crazy organic make-up you got at home. So make-up, check. Everything's great! My feet are _killing_ me. I can't wait to get back to the car and just chill."

Ivy smiled as she payed for the shoes. "I agree, I feel like my toes are about to fall off."

Harley grabbed the plastic bags containing their shoes and started tugging Ivy out of the store. "Let's go, woman! Let's go!"

The conversation jumped from topic to topic as they quickly picked up some milkshakes from the food court, made the long walk to the front of the mall, and searched around the parking lot. Ivy learned Harley's top ten list of movies, Harley learned Ivy actually listens to music. All in all, it was a pretty educational conversation.

When they finally sat down in Ivy's car, it was like their feet were screaming with joy. _"THANK GOD YOU LET US REST! HOW CAN WE EVER REPAY YOU?" _Harley laughed out loud as the thought crossed her mind. Ivy didn't feel the need to ask.

The sun was high in the sky as they pulled out of the parking lot, and Ivy knew from experience that Harley would be wanting lunch soon. She also knew that when the clown-girl was hungry, she fell asleep easily. Soon, Ivy could hear a soft snore as Harley slumped further in her seat. The sound was comforting...

...but it wasn't enough to help Ivy concentrate on the road. She turned on the radio and the great words of P!nk blared into the vehicle.

_...and guess what, I'm having more fun, now that we're done..._

It must have been fate. The inspiring words of not needing a man, well that was just what Ivy needed to help her look forward to her blind date.


	6. A Lunch and an Alias

Ivy was still smiling and humming _So What_ as she turned the corner and her little green house, almost completely hidden by a hill, came into view.

As she stopped the car, she noticed a vine slithering out of the window. It seemed to look healthier now that its mommy was home. Ivy smiled, she would make a pretty darn good mother. I mean, she pretty much turned her best friend's life around for Christ's sake! Speaking of which...Ivy looked over to the passenger seat. Harley was still slumped, but her eyes were open and she was grinning. Just as Ivy was expecting, the first words out of her mouth were, "I'm hungry, Red."

Ivy laughed a little. "I knew it." She reached down into the floorboard and handed Harley a few shopping bags as she opened the door. "C'mon, I'll make you some hot dogs."

(**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: Do you honestly think Ivy is a vegetarian? Seriously, ppl are vegetarians cos they like animals. Ivy would be like the opposite of a vegetarian cos she likes plants. Duh. So in _myyyyyy_ story, Ivy shall eat meat! No complaints, I am the author.)

Harley happy-squeaked (for, what, the sixtieth time today?) and jumped out of the car. "And in the meantime, I'll get online and tell your date that you're in. He'll be _uber_ excited!"

Ivy's smile dropped an inch. Oh yeah...she totally forgot that there was an actual man waiting to date her. Kinda creepy...considering she didn't know him...

Soon, Ivy was unlocking the door to her house, and tan overwhelmed their senses. You would expect the place to look like a jungle, but it was a pretty nicely-furnished room with a khaki theme. There were a few forest green throw pillows on the couches, and plants lounged on the rug. It was kinda pleasing to the eye, really.

Soon the bags Harley carried were in a messy heap in front of the door, and she darted to the office in the back. Ivy, on the other hand, took _her_ bags and set them in her closet before walking slowly and calmly to the kitchen. Her plants, of course, were right at her heels.

Harley pulled up the dating website and logged in. She was delighted to see that **GreenIsHot** was online. Perfect, she could tell him Ivy's answer. She was extremely upset that **Comedy2Tragedy** was _not _on. The poor girl was really let down by men too often. She shrugged it off quickly and opened up a chat window with** GreenIsHot**.

**xXBubbleQuinnXx:** Hey wassup Joeeeeey!

**GreenIsHot:** hai hollie

**xXBubbleQuinnXx:** I'm soooo glad ur on. I have like the most amazeringly awesome newwwwz!

**GreenIsHot**: o do tell plz

**xXBubbleQuinnXx:** Okayz so Im totally at Lily's house right now, and she like seriously said she'd come! :)))))))))))

**GreenIsHot:** sweeeeetness. tell her i said thanks a gazillion, cant wait to meet her fer sher

**xXBubbleQuinnXx:** Kay will do :D Bye Joey! Next time you talk to Dennis, tell him I can't wait to see him!

**GreenIsHot**: bye hollie (:

Harley quickly logged out and smiled at the genius of her and Ivy's fake names. Hollie, cos it sounded like Harley of course. And Lillian was Ivy's middle name, and "lily" is also a flower, Harley was a genius, for real.

She slid around in her chair and hopped up to bug Ivy.

Her red-headed best friend was talking sweetly to a lemon tree and the countertop grill had four hot dogs grilling away.

"Ev'rything's all set up with Joey, that's his name, Red." Harley sat down at the table and watched Ivy stroke a few leaves on her tree. "Oh yeah, and on the date if anyone asks, I'm Hollie and you're Lily. Kay? And _my_ lovely date's name is Dennis. Just felt ya need to know." Harley grinned.

Ivy looked up. "Lily, gee wonder where you got that." She laughed and turned back to the tree. "Please, for mommy? Just give us some lemons. _Please_."

Harley leaned over to look at the tree. "Whatcha doin' anyway?" she asked.

"Trying to make some dang dang lemonade for crying out loud!" Ivy crossed her arms, "But the stupid tree is being stubborn."

Harley rolled her eyes. "Lemme try." She hopped down from her chair and crouched down in front of the tree. "Hey, Lemony," she said real sweetly, "if you don't mind, we'd like some stankin' lemons. And if ya don't drop 'em real soon, I'm probably gonna blow you up." Harley grinned a friendly grin.

Six or seven lemons immediatley dropped onto the kitchen floor. Ivy looked at Harley with a weird look. "Impressive," she said, "Using terrorism against plants. Nice."

Harley smiled. "Just doin' my job." After the words left her mouth, a bell rang.

"That's the grill," Ivy said, a little irritated she had to leave the lemons after all that work.

"No it's okay," Harley said, brushing Ivy's hair as she got up yet again, "I'll get it." She took down two lime green plates and gently placed two soft buns and two of the red hot dogs onto each. "Smells good, Red. Can't wait." She set the plates on the table, and sat down (hopefully for the final time!) at the table.

Ivy smiled. "Thanks, Harley-girl." She then picked up the lemons and retreated to the counter to make the lemonade. After a few minutes doing God-knows-what, she took down two blue glasses and poured some lemonade into each. The yellow liquid mixed with the blue glass made the cups look green. Ivy was a genius. Before going back to the table, she got the ketchup out of the fridge and sat down across from Harley.

The blond clown sniffed the yellow drink next to her plate and smiled a dreamy smile. "Red, you always was the best cook. I'm starving, let's eat!"


	7. Karaoke Fixes Everything

**A QUICK WORD FROM THE AUTHOR: **_Wow...Thank you all for the awesome reviews! You know, I can remember when I first typed up the first chapter. I did it sheerly out of boredom, because a few hours earlier I was playing with my sister's Barbies (don't ask) and pretending they were the Gotham Girls going on a blind date. I never thought I'd post it anywhere, or even finish. Thanks guys for making this my favorite out of all my stories! Every time I get a review on this story, my heart jumps for joy. Thank you thank you thank you! From me, Harley, Ivy, Ellen, Batman, and the blind dates whose identities I cannot reveal! (Feel free to guess though ;D)_

_**SOME PPL I'D LIKE TO THANK PERSONALLY:**_

_piratechicka__ Gotta be honest, you're one of the main ppl keeping me going with this one. Thanks a million for always being there when I need someone to talk to about the storyline!_

_highland girl 1582 __ Thanks for being such an avid reviewer! I'm actually sort of a Quiddler fan, and your reviews always make me laugh and smile. Thanks ^^_

_Lorendiac__ Thanks for the thing about the format of my stories. Totally saved my butt, there._

_Kairan1979 __ To tell the truth, when I started this I kept changing who the blind dates were and I had no idea where this was going. I'm rly sorry to say that Creeper won't be one of the blind dates, cos I've finally decided who they are. But thanks to your suggestions, I rly started thinking about what I wanted to do. Sometime in the story, expect Creeper to have a cameo in you honor._

**Sorry that took so long, but I rllllllllly needed to get that off my chest. NOW TO THE STORY!**

Harley had finished her hot dogs in less than two minutes. "Daaaaaang, Pammie. I just might move in with you, I could eat this food forever and ever and ever!" She grinned and downed her glass of lemonade.

Ivy smiled and took about the third bite from her first hot dog. "Thank you, thank you, Harl. I knew hot dogs were your favorite, so..." She took a small sip from her lemonade and worked on finishing her food.

Harley fidgeted around and looked behind her a few times. It was like Restless Leg Syndrome and ADHD had a baby, and it was Harley. She honestly could not sit still.

The redhead across from her stopped eating and watched her for a few seconds. "Anything wrong, Harley?" she finally asked.

The blond turned around and played with the crumbs on her plate. "It's just...um...you're done eating...and it's been a few minutes... and Dennis...he wasn't on earlier... and..."

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Go. I'll clean up after both of us- as usual." She smiled and gently kicked Harley under the table.

"Thankies, hon!" Harley squealed as she hopped over to Ivy and gave her head a hug. "I promise that I'll clean up dinner tonight, whatever we end up eating. Promise." And then she was gone, skipping towards the office.

Ivy smiled in affection at her blond bestie. "What would I do without you, Harley-girl?" she murmured to herself as she ate her second hot dog. She was only half-way done with it when she felt a tugging at her foot. She looked down and noticed with dismay that her plants were begging for scraps. _Again_. She rolled her eyes and threw her half-dog to them.

_'Wonder if Bud and Lou are like this,' _she thought as she angrly picked up the dishes and brought them to the sink. She turned back to the plants and snapped a couple of times. The vine closest to the back that wasn't getting a bit of the weenie, slithered toward her and waited paitently.

"No free food, baby. Sorry. But wash the dishes for mommy and she'll make you your own dog."

The vine jumped up in the air and did a few flips before getting to work at the sink.

Ivy smiled as she walked toward the living room. "Vines, they'll believe anything," she said as she sank onto the couch. She turned on the TV to find the news was still on from this morning. There was a semi-shocking new story on. Woo. Ivy began to change the channel when she noticed it was about the Joker. Her heart skipped a beat and she bit her lip. She looked toward the office where she saw Harley happily typing away. "Crap," she muttered, thinking he might have been arrested trying to do something without her. He might try to get her back...

Needless to say, Ivy watched the report.

_"Again, I'm Summer Gleeson with the incoming report of what GCPD is calling 'The Glittering Groom Caper',"_ the showy redheaded reporter said, _"You may be imagining some sweet story about a poor man trying to pay for his fiancee by stealing, but think again. Here's Commisioner Gordon on the story."_

Ivy rose an eyebrow. Glittering Groom. Joker. This was getting curiouser and curiouser.

An image of the white-haired cop was soon on the screen as Gordon gave a synopsis of the crime._ "Well, basically, we got a report of a robbery at the jewelry place. So me and the boys rushed down there, and it was The Joker stealing some rings and a few flowers. Yeah, The Joker. Of course, a million by-standers asked him why the _hell_ he did it. And get this- he put on this frowny face and looked the crowd dead on and said, 'I miss my little harlequin and I just wanted to pick up a present for her and ask her to come home.' He didn't sound like he meant it, sounded like he was hiding something. But it's not my call to make."_

Ivy's jaw dropped. "No," she murmured, "No."

The image turned back to Summer and she wrapped the story up. Ivy didn't hear the words, though. Her head was spinning. _'Things were so perfect!' _she moaned internally, '_Why does he have to be this way? Why!'_

She buried her face in a throw pillow and groaned as loud as she could. Soon, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Red?" Harley asked, "You okay?"

Ivy looked up and saw a geniunely concerned harlequin staring down at her. She touched Harley's hand. "Yeah...fine." She made up an excuse at the top of her head. "Thinking about Jason again, that's all."

Harley pouted and flipped over the back of the couch, landing flawlessly next to Ivy. "Babe, ya _really_ gotta stop thinking 'bout him. Ya gots a _blind date _comin' up! Forgive and forget, that's what I always say. If hadn't been such a jerk and turned ya to a plant, well we wouldn't be friends. Hear?"

Ivy smiled. "Yeah, I guess so," she murmured.

Harley grinned and pat the plant-girl on the back. "That's the spirit!" she turned toward the TV, "Whatcha watchin', anyway?"

Ivy had a mini-heart attack as she quickly changed the channel. They were replaying Joker's speech over and over again, she couldn't risk Harley hearing. "Nothing, oh nothing. Flipping channels!" she nervously.

Harley rose an eyebrow. "Kay...I'm bored."

"As usual," Ivy interrupted with a smile.

The blond laughed and pushed her friend's shoulder playfully. "Seriously. Let's do summin."

Ivy readjusted herself in her seat. "Like what?" she asked.

Harley shrugged. "Ya gots a karaoke machine?"

In a flash of red and green, Ivy had ran to the closest across the room. "Duh," she muttered as she pulled the dinosaur of a machine out.

"Wow," Harley said as she got up to check it out, "I'm impressed. Here I thought you was a hoity-toity, uptight, boring old lady." She laughed and blew some dust off the top of the machine. "Boy was I wrong!"

Ivy laughed a little sarcastically. "Gee, thanks, Harl." She pulled out the two microphones and some old CDs. "You can go first," she said to the blond, handing her the stack of discs.

Harley flipped through them quickly. "_Ugh_! All you have is 90s and 70s! Bo-_ring_! You could at least have some Beatles or 80s!" She stuck out her tongue and dropped the CDs to the floor.

Ivy shrieked and picked them quickly off the floor. "Your stupid mutts ate the 80s CD last time you were here! And this is a 90s machine, so that was as modern as the CDs got when I bought it."

Harley moaned. "Rawr!" She put her face in her hands...then a lightbulb suddenly went off above her head. "Eureka!" she squealed, "You think this thing could use newer CDs from the same company?"

Ivy set her stack of CDs back in the closet. "Yeah, I guess so," she said, "But I don't have any."

Harley ran down the secret hallway behind Ivy's oldest ficus, and was back with a fuzzy pink box. "Well _Iiiiiiiii _happen to have some pretty awesome karaoke CDs!" she said as she held the box up proudly.

Ivy went through the box of CDs. "Cool. I guess." She had never heard of most of these songs...

Harley held up a purple disc, an image of a little girl wearing a pink feather boa on the front. "This is my _favorite!_ My first song shall come from it!" She stuck the CD into the machine and picked up a microphone. After a few seconds of seeking, the music started to play.

Wow. Ivy actually recognized this tune. It was...

"_According to you, I'm stupid. I'm useless. I can't do anything right," _Harley sang in that classic jazz voice of hers. Ivy was pleased with the song choice. It was proof that Harley was totally pissed at Joker, and probably was _not_ going back!

As Harley sang the next line, Ivy thought back to the time her and Harvey had dated, and how he now criticized her. She felt the need to sing! She hopped up and grabbed the other mic, just in time to join in the chorus.

"_According to him, I'm beautiful. Incredible. He can't get me out of his head! According to him, I'm funny. Irresistable. Everything he ever wanted!" _The girls sang vigorously, then turned to face each other.

"_Everything is opposite," _Harley sang with her arms in the air, _"I don't feel like stopping it! So, baby, tell me what I got to loose."_

Then Ivy took her turn, pointing to Harley for dramatic effect. _"He's into me for everything I'm not, according to you!" _

Harley just started laughing. "It's so true!" she squealed as she fell backwards onto the couch.

Ivy paused the song and ran over next to her. "How so?" she asked with a grin.

"Well because when I was with Puddin- I mean Joker- he was all, **'HARLEY! YOU'RE DUMB AND STUFF!'**"She spoke in a humorously low voice when she quoted Joker, "And now I'm here hanging with you, and you're like, 'Oh, Harl. You're so smart and funny and junk!'" Her voice was unbelievably high as she quoted Ivy.

The plant-girl smiled and nodded. "Yep, I guess that _is_ how it is." She looked over to the karaoke machine. "Whatcha wanna sing next?"

Harley thought a little. "Oh I got it," she said with a devious grin as she got up to change the song. She turned toward Ivy with a scary face as she sang the familar song...

"_Beautiful. Dirty, dirty. Rich, rich. Dirty, dirty. Beatiful. Dirty. Rich." _Harley motioned for Ivy to come up to sing. "This is our song," she mouthed.

Ivy picked up her mic and stood up, looking at Harley with a dark expression. _"We got a red light. Pornographic dance fight. Systematic, honey. But we got no money."_

Harley sashayed over to Ivy and placed a hand on her friend's red locks. _"Our hair is perfect, while we're all getting shit-wrecked. It's automatic, honey. But we got no money."_

Ivy smiled and put her arm around Harley as they started to duet the chorus.

"_Daddy, I'm so sorry. I'm s-s-sorry, yeah."_ (They looked at a Wanted poster of an angry Batman for this part)_ "We just like to party. Like to p-p-party, yeah!"_

Harley suddenly turned and pretended to shoot Ivy with a finger-gun. _"Bang! Bang!" _she sang_, "We're beautiful and dirty rich!"_

Ivy pretended to pick up her own finger-gun and shot at Harley. _"Bang! Bang! We're beautiful and dirty rich!"_

Then they both started to laugh and just sat on the floor to listen to the music.

**CREDIT TO SONGS USED~ **_According to You_is by** Orianthi **_Beautiful, Dirty, Rich _is by** Lady Gaga**


	8. One's Past and One's Promise

After a few more karaoke song and a tedious game of Truth or Dare, Harley was starting to get hungry again. How could Ivy tell, you ask? The petite blond was starting to fall asleep on the floor. She looked up at Ivy with cloudy blue eyes, "Food," she mumbled.

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Whaddaya want?" she asked with her arms crossed.

Harley sat up eagerly with a huge grin. "I want chicken fingers and, and, um, french fries, and, um, ice cream, and..."

"Okay. Chicken. Fries. Ice cream. That's all you're gonna get, missy," Ivy said as she got up and started walking toward the kitchen.

Harley moaned and beat her fists on the floor. "But I want cake and cookies and fishsticks, tooooooo!"

Ivy turned around and glared at Harley. "You can't have too many sweets, and you _know_ fishsticks upset your stomach." Harley started to protest more, but Ivy had already tuned her out as she entered the kitchen.

Harley stuck out her tongue. "You're not my mommy, Red! I can take care of myself!" she yelled, "Wait a minute...fishsticks," She had just thought of something genius, "Haha!" She got up and walked into the kitchen with a smirk on her lips. "Oh, _Red_," she called in a sweet voice.

Ivy had her head in the freezer getting out the fries, but you could just imagine her annoyed face. "What _is_ it, Harl?" she asked.

Harley skipped over to stand next to Ivy. "Do you like fishsticks? Do you like putting fishsticks in your mouth?"

Ivy rolled her eyes as she pulled her head out. "Ugh. _Yes_, Harley. I like fishsticks."

"What are you?" Harley managed to say as she laughed uncontrollably, "A gay fish?"

"Harley," Ivy said as she brought her face to her palm, "First of all, that only works for boys. And second of all, you ripped that off of _South Park_."

"Whatever. It's still funny," Harley said indignantly, "And why don't you like_ South Park_? It's so funny!"

Ivy snatched some chicken out of the freezer and then turned to the stove. "Harley, this might take a while. Why don't you go...like talk to Dennis or whatever."

Harley slumped her shoulders, "_Fine_. I gotta go to the harlequin's room anyway." After sticking her tongue out at Ivy one more time, she made finally left the kitchen. She walked until she was a few steps away from the guest bathroom, and she thought _'You know...Today I've been in Red's _bed_room for the first time ever. She wouldn't mind if I used her _bath_room...' _

She thought a little while longer, and finally turned away from the bathroom, and walked across the living room. She stopped by the potted tree next to Ivy's bedroom door and peeked in the kitchen. Her best friend was occupied with cooking...She wouldn't notice...Harley took a deep breath and slowly turned the doorknob. After tiptoeing into the bedroom, she gently closed the door without making a sound. "Sweet," she murmured. She looked around, and her eyes rested on the green door in the corner not far from Ivy's bed. She backed up against the wall behind her and looked around one more time, then cartwheeled over to the door. "You can do this," she whispered to herself and then threw open the door.

Ivy was famous for being the neatest psychopath to be admitted into Arkham. There was never a one little dustbunny on the floor, and in every room of the house (except Harley's room) there was no clutter at all. In Pamela Isley's house, there's a place for everything and everything in its place.

But her bathroom...It was crazy! Even _Harley's_ bathroom was spotless! The bathroom was longer than it was wide, and split into two halves. The wall sepperating the two sides didn't go accross the whole room, only halfway. On the left side of the first half was a gray stone bathtub, filled with potted plants and even a stack of old books. On the right side were black bookshelves, the kind you'd find in a garden or garage. Every inch was filled with old pictures or framed blueprints.

If Harley thought the _first_ half was bad, she had yet to see the second half! This side was a bit shorter than the first, and on the left wall was an old green ceramic toilet. The potty itself wasn't that bad, but the floor around it was covered with tissues (the kind for noses, not the..._other_ kind) and even more old pictures. And accross from it on the right wall was an old gray and green sink. The counter was covered with more plants and all kinds of organic who-knows-what.

"Ew," Harley said as she flipped on the light. "This place is _nas_-ty." She turned to the bookshelves and looked at a few of the pictures. The ones in front were taken during her and Ivy's vacation, and a few of them at Gotham Park. But they all depicted the two girls' incredible frienship. Harley could only catch a glimpse of a few of the pictures in the back, but she could tell they didn't belong to Poison Ivy, but to the dead woman she used to be.

Harley decided to ignore the shelves, and so she tried to walk to the toilet without stepping on any of the tissues. As she was maneuvering around the torn pieces of soft, white paper, one of the photos caught her eye. She bent down and picked it up, and what she saw made her sad. It was taken during Pamela Isley and Jason Woodrue's "voyage" to Egypt. The two were posing in front of a pyramid. Jason seemed kind of bored, but he smiled at his assistant nonethe less. Pamela, on the other hand, was grinning and looked up at her boss with pure love in her eyes.

"Poor Red," Harley murmured as she dropped the picture, "That mean man didn't really love her at all." Thinking about all this, Harely immediately saw similarities between her deal with Joker. "No wonder she tried to keep from Mistah J..." Harley started to leave, picturing all the time Ivy had probably spent crying in the bathroom. "From now on, I gotta stop bugging her."

She promised herself she would do just that as she turned off the light.


	9. Movie Night

Harley quickly ran out of Ivy's room with a heavy heart. "I shouldn't have gone in there," she murmured to herself as she slipped out, hoping she wouldn't be noticed. She gently shut the door behind her and tiptoed over to the couch.

Just then, Ivy walked out of the kitchen with a green mixing bowl in her hands. "Took you long enough," she muttered, "Is it really that difficult to use the bathroom?"

"Sure is, I couldn't figure it out at all," Harley said, looking up at Ivy with a huge grin.

"Harley," Ivy said with a look of disgust, "That's just nasty." She sat down on the couch next to Harley, shoving the bowl into the blond's lap.

The little clown just sniffed it. "What is it? It's all oogey."

"It's the ice cream you wanted," Ivy said matter-of-factly, "It's homemade and completely organic. Tell me if you like it."

Harley looked at Ivy with a _"Do I really have to?" _face, but stuck her finger in the bowl anyway. She brought it back up covered in a light brown goo, that was dripping with what looked like chocolate milk. She took a deep breath and brought it to her mouth. An expression of pure horror crossed her face as she exclaimed,_** "BLUCH!"**_

Ivy snatched the bowl away from her friend, huffing and puffing all the way. "So you don't like it? Great. Just great."

Before she knew it, the bowl was out of her lap again, though. She looked over at Harley who was cradling it with a dreamy smile. The harlequin simply said, "I. Freaking. Love. It."

Ivy laughed and took the bowl back again. "You are so weird, it's not even funny," she said as she retreated to the kitchen. "Dinner's almost ready, and I was thinking we could watch a movie tonight. Be flipping through the channels, see what's on."

Harley nodded and grabbed the remote. "Do you mind if I check the news first? Selina's been planning a robbery for the past few weeks and I wanna see if she got caught or not."

The bowl clattered to the floor and next thing Harley knew, Ivy had pounced on her, grabbing for the remote.. "No. Don't you _dare_ watch the news," she said through clenched teeth.

Harley's blue eyes grew wide as she managed to mumble, "Sure, Red." She timidly took the remote out of Ivy's hand, which was still closed tightly.

"Okay," Ivy said with relief, "Promise me you will _not_ watch the news."

The clown's little blond head bobbed up and down as she started flipping through the channels. "I promise." She then looked down and blushed, noticing that Ivy had not yet gotten up from her lap. "Hey, uh, Red...Do you...mind?"

Ivy looked down and smiled a little embarrassed smile. "Heh. Didn't realize." She got up quickly and brushed herself off. "Sorry...sorry." She picked up her bowl of ice cream and started walking back towards the kitchen, scolding herself a little inside.

Once she was safely back in her cooking realm, she started putting the chicken and fries onto two sunflower-shaped plates. She tried to stay focused on the food placement, but her mind kept wandering.

_'Harley almost saw the news...The news. What if she knew about Joker?' _The plant girl sighed and shook her head, throwing the meat down with a bit more force. As she thought more of the situation, she started feel differently, though._ 'I feel so mean lying to her...Maybe I _should_ tell her. It's unfair to keep her in the dark. Besides, this would be a great test. If she stays here knowing he wants her back, it'll prove she really cares about me.' _As she started pouring two glasses of root beer, she reluctantly decided to tell her best friend of the news report.

Only after seeing how she acts during the movie, though. Knowing Harley, it'll be a romance film. If she shows any sign of missing Joker while the heroine is away from her beau, or if she starts to talk of her Clown Prince at all, Ivy would _not_ tell. But if things seem to stay normal, it'll be time come clean.

She walked over to where she had set down the ice cream and stirred it a bit more. "Seems normal," she muttered to herself after tasting a bit. She took down two green bowls and filled them with the chocolately brown goo. After setting their dessert in the freezer, she took the plates and glasses out to the living room.

Harley was on the rug in front of the couch, babbling to one of Ivy's vines. She had a stack of DVDs next to her on the floor, and another vine was slithering over with a freshly popped bag of popcorn.

"Soup's on," Ivy said, taking a seat next to Harley on the floor. "Scram," she said to the vine taking her place as bestie, "The blond's with me." She smiled as the vine obediently slid away.

Harley stuck out her tongue and grabbed one of the plates. "Soup? But I didn't _want _soup!"

"It's an expression," Ivy said, rolling her eyes, "It doesn't literally mean I made soup."

"Oh," Harley pretended like she understood, "That's really dumb."

Ivy laughed. "That's my Harley-girl," she bent over and picked up one of the DVDs, "What'd ya pick out?"

Harley grinned, this was where she got excited. "Well there was nothing good on pay-per-view. Like just a bunch of crap after crap. So I told Fern, that's my vine buddy, to go get me some of your movies. She got me these, she knows me so well, and I also got out my two favorite movies."

Ivy picked up the stack. "Interesting." As she predicted, it was all romantic comedies. Romance. Comedy. _So_ Harley. Among the titles were _Along Came Polly, John Tucker Must Die, No Reservations, Superstar. _Ivy had no idea why she even had some of these, probably just picked them up in a hurry during a robbery. "Kay," she said, "What are your two movies?"

"Well, you seen this one a _million_ times before, but it just never gets old!" Harley held up _The Notebook_. "They are _such_ the cutest couple! And then I have this one that I never made ya watch before, but it's my _favorite_ movie of all time. The main girl character is _just_ like me! And it has comedy, romance, _aaaaaand_ killing people!"

She held up _Sweeney Todd_, a movie Ivy had heard a lot about. "Of _course_ you'd like a Johnny Depp movie. Okay we'll watch this," the redhead said, picking up the DVD.

Harley stood up and stretched. "I'm probably gonna fall asleep, I better be changin' to my beddy-bye clothes."

After putting the disc in, Ivy turned around. "Good idea. I have some blankets and stuff in your room, too. We can camp out in here."

The blond smiled and clapped her hands together. "Slumber party! Slumber party!" She did a little dance as Ivy grabbed some pajamas out of her bedroom. Then the two best friends made their way to Harley's jungle.

Ivy set her pajamas down on the floor and went into Harley's bathroom to get the blankets out of the cabinet. In the meantime, the little fashionista was digging through her wardrobe for the perfect nighttime attire.

Once Harley had her pajamas picked out, Ivy came out of the bathroom with two old pink comforters and a few lime green pillows. The blond demanded they showcased their sleepwear before starting the movie.

"Okay, fine," Ivy reluctantly agreed, "As long as I get to go first. These clothes are itching me."

Harley nodded. "Sure thing, Red." She smiled and turned around so her best friend could change.

Ivy quickly shed her black trousers and slid on her favorite pale green satin short shorts. She pulled off her forest green halter and slid on a matching satin tube top. She took down her ponytail before telling Harley it was okay to look.

The blond was amazed by Ivy's choice. "Oh it's _soooo _pretty! I love it! And I missed your hair down, I love you _so_ much without that nasty ponytail."

"Thanks," Ivy said, stroking a strand of her hair. "Let's see what you got." The plant girl, having much less boundary issues, had no problem with on-looking as Harley changed. It's not like she was gonna attack or anything. Harley felt no need to object.

Her cherished daytime outfit was happily torn off in a hurry and thrown onto the floor. She pulled on a short and silky fitting red nightgown. Not as short and showy as her favorite one, but very Harley all the same. She then took a fuzzy black scrunchy and put her blond hair in side ponytail.

"Oh it's so you," Ivy said, "I love it. Now let's go see what this Sweeney Todd is all about."

Harley nodded and skipped after Ivy back into the living room. They sat in the floor to eat their dinner, and then hopped up onto the couch. The vine came back with their popcorn Ivy's homemade ice cream and they had the big pink comforters pulled up tight against them. They were quite snug when they started the movie.

It was a fun experience. Harley paused it every five seconds to explain things to Ivy, though it was definitely not needed. Ivy smiled when she looked over and saw Harley singing along with the songs. And Harley felt grown up when Ivy scooted very close to her when a throat was slit.

As all best friends do during slumber parties, they fell asleep in heap before the movie ended.

And before Ivy had time to talk.


End file.
